Eccentricities

I've come to the conclusion that everyone is eccentric. Everyone. Even me, especially you. 

 Some of the oddities that I've observed include the following: flossing your teeth with a strand of hair, separating recyclables when they go in one bin at the dump, forgetting to ask where your locker is located and going without for two years because your too embarrassed to ask, saving technical gadgets because they cost so much when you bought them, rolling Kleenex into a cone shape to clean your nostrils, storing new clothes for years until the old ones wear out and thereby being arrayed in rags.

What eccentricities do you have? Which have you observed?

Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions

 2010 is on the horizon and the talk turns to New Year’s Resolutions. The only thing I know is that I don’t keep them. 

 I’m to the point in my life when I have ceased to even compile a list. At least not for myself. I do, however, have some great ideas on what other people should do.

 Athletes - I’m not just talking to the professionals here, this is to anyone that considers themselves an athlete. Be kind to those that are not. Remember that a great deal of us can’t tell right from left, don’t walk and chew gum at the same time, and forget game rules each and every time. We are here to make you a more patient and kind person. Don’t miss this opportunity. 

 Drivers - When traffic is moving slowly, don’t toot, wave your middle finger in the air, or rev the engine. Put on some good music that you can keep rhythm with on the steering wheel. Kegel to improve muscle tone. Try to name the states in alphabetical order. Repeat ‘this too will pass’. 

 Employees - Make your fellow employees happy. Bring in special snacks, for no reason at all buy them a gift, compliment them on their work, appreciate their differences and your job will greatly improve. Remember, they have to put up with you. A pay check is a good thing, be thankful. 

 Homemakers - Never refer to yourself as a housewife or one married to the house, again. Make your home a haven for anyone who enters, but especially let it be your haven. Everyone needs a safe place to return, to be replenished, to regroup. Home is where the heart is and the refrigerator, and the bath, and the cookie jar. They don’t call it sweet for nothing. 

 Internet surfers - When you have finally found the site that you want and your service becomes disconnected, don’t reboot. Leave the beastly machine and get a good book to read. Make sure you have plenty of light and a comfy chair. Leave behind the real world of electronic headache for one of imagination. This is not a bad place to be. 

 Mother-in-laws - Love your daughter-in-laws. No, they are not you, and will never be you, but they put up with your son. Be honest here, you don’t want him back at home. You raised him to grow up, so cut loose the apron strings. Take a deep breath, relax. 

 Parents - Be imperfect around your kids. They already know. Don’t be afraid to say you goofed or you are wrong or you are sorry. They’ll learn that they can be authentic around you. This will last until they are teenagers; then they grunt. The good news is they get older and you find that you have a friend. 

 Pharmacy clerks - Don’t ask your customers how they are. They are picking up medicine for someone; they’re not fine. Either they are ill or they are dealing with someone unwell. Give them a smile and chocolate.

 Reporters - Just tell the news. Don’t embellish it, don’t give your opinion, just state the facts. Say it and then shut up. How many times is the same story rehashed with no new insight, just suppositions? Respect others enough to let them come to their own conclusions. Your readership is guaranteed to rise. 

 Telemarketers - If you think that you are not liked, you are right. The only way to remedy this is to get another job. Wouldn’t it be nice to no longer hear the sound of phones slamming in your ears? The scraping of forks on dinner plates? Perhaps you could practice the words, ‘Welcome to Wal-Mart’, that could be job security. 

 As I’ve written there are some resolutions that I have incorporated into my life. I can’t tell left from right consistently, I kegel at stop lights, I love to bring snacks to work, the refrigerator is usually full, I read always, I don’t want my son back, my kids as well as most people I know realize that I’m far from perfect, and chocolate helps most things. I’m not going to practice the Wal-Mart greeting, but I do want to say Happy New Year.

Facebook Jargon: A Reluctant Examination

This summer when I was facing six weeks worth of recovery from surgery, I joined Facebook. Because I do not like to talk on the phone I found it a great way to visit with friends. It was amazing to be able to reconnect wth my nieces in college as well as folks I’d not talked to in 25+ years. I think the most satisfying part was in realizing that a true friendship lasts despite time and distance. 

 There was a factor that I’d not counted on, though, and that was Facebook jargon. It seems that over the years words have been replaced with acronyms. To date there are 72 pages of acronyms listed under internet abbreviations. These abbreviations cover most topics. There are literary references. 14AA41- one for all, all for one, 2BN2B-to be or not to be. 

 You can send caring messages. XOXO-hugs and kisses. 2G2BT-too good to be true. UOK-are you ok? BW-best wishes. AML-all my love. 

 Teen-alert language includes AITR-adult in the room and POMS-parent over my shoulder. You can also be BTD-bored to death, say WE-whatever, CM-call me, BON-believe it or not, WCA-who cares anyway? or B4N-bye for now. 

 When you return you are BAK-back at keyboard. A lot of people on Facebook are usually LOL-laughing out loud. This can be confusing because LOL can also mean-lots of love. Type that your dog threw up and someone may LOL. You might be sharing about a recent embarrassing episode and they LOL. Have a hard time though and someone is sure to LOL. Confusing to say the least. I usually read it both ways and try to figure out the sense of it all. It also gives me insight into the psyche of the writer. 

 Yet you not only LOL, but you can do this while on the floor (LOLF), you can be rolling on the floor (LOLROF), falling out of a chair (LOLFOC), or laughing until your belly hurts (LOLUBH)> `In extreme cases socks can fall off (LOLSFO), pants become wet (LOLWMP), or various body parts fall off. I’ll let you fill in the acronym on that.

 For myself, though, except for an occasional OK, I’m valiantly attempting to write without jargon, swearing, or acronyms. It’s my personal attempt to stay true to the English language. Recently while on line I was chatting with a friend across town. For some reason I could not hit the right keys and the conversation looked like this... It’s preety cold out. Sorry,k pretty. Can’t seem to tyep tody. Type today. The response was simple. Do you have mittens on? What could I say? LOLMFO (Laughing out loud, mittens fell off).