Relationships Take Work

We all live in relationship with someone or probably a lot of someones. And if you want a good relationship, it is going to take work.
Communication will entail eye contact, hand gestures, body posturing, and the like.  And the closer you are, the more time you will need to invest.
If you desire to have a strong marriage in your golden years, you will have to spend a lot of time when you are younger listening, sharing, understanding, caring, often coming to a compromise that you both can live with. 
A lot of time will need to be invested, but the end result will be so worth it.
Security, contentment, gratitude, peacefulness, and love are ust a few of the benefits.
It's a bit of a dance with each partner taking turns leading.  Give 100% always and on those days that you are unable, the other person will carry you as you will them on their bad days.
Life is comprised of a lot of long days and short years.  Make the most of all of them.

Spring is very far away

When I peruse my fb page, I often come across a countdown of days until spring or posts that deal with a hatred of winter.
There are just too many days left.  Why open the door to depression?
Why not instead embrace the things that there are to love about winter: warm toasty blankets, hot chocolate, crisp walks in freshly fallen snow, sledding, puzzles, books, movies, fresh baked cookies and pies, ice skating, snowshoeing, company in for a night of games, crock pot dinners, freshly baked bread.  
The four seasons need to be embraced and enjoyed.  They're not going anywhere.
The January thaw will come and give a respite, then February will bury us in snow, and March will play between winter and spring.
Oh, but when it comes!!!! What joy! I think you experience it just a bit more after the winter.

The Most Important Things in Life

We are in trouble in our home, in our state, in our country, in our world.

People are warring against people based on belief, race, gender, politics, lifestyle, or choices.  And so, I repeat, we are in trouble.

A new year is here and individuals are making resolutions to lose weight, exercise, quit smoking, consume less alcohol, clean closets, pay off debt, or the like.

 What if we decided to be kind?

 In essence we would cease from viewing others as the enemy, but would instead view them as a fellow traveler worthy of respect simply because they exist, have worth, and share the world with us.

For well over a decade I have worked with individuals in crisis.  I have listened to stories of incredible heartbreak and loss, witnessed the effect of broken homes and absentee parenting, and seen patterns repeated by early imprinting.

 Broken people with broken relationships need to know that life can be different, that families can love each other, and that manipulation does not need to be the avenue chosen to survive.

If we want to see the world a different place, we have to start one person at a time and the first place to start is with ourselves.  Until I treat each person that I meet with kindness and respect, until I listen to the story of others, until I see a unique individual before me, until I change me, we will go on as we are – a world in serious trouble.

I have heard or read many thoughts from people nearing the end of their lives.  No one talks of wishing they had made more money or worked longer hours.  Any remorse seems to be over broken relationships; any joy is in the family and friends that remain.

While it is still today, let’s work at building bridges to the people that we encounter in this life. There are some simple ways to begin as we face the year 2015.

 Stop texting as your primary way of communication.  Communication involves voice inflection and facial expression which is not possible when dueling thumbs are the only body parts involved in the dialogue.  A phone call is better; speaking face to face is the best.

There are young couples and single mothers desperate for someone to come alongside them and model good parenting skills.  Many of them come from fractured homes, are fatherless, or products of multiple foster homes.  How can you become what you have never witnessed?

  Be that example.  Even with all of your own shortcomings and failures, you can teach them to learn from their mistakes and bring them hope and compassion.

People are alone in the midst of a crowd, at the workplace, in front of their computers, in checkout lines, while raising their families.  Do you know of an elderly person that is no longer able to leave her home? How about someone ill and enduring long hours of treatment at a hospital? A single mother harried with work, young children, and lack of sleep? Maybe you are the person needed to break that loneliness.

Perhaps you are the person that is alone.  Volunteers are welcomed at hospitals, senior centers, adult daycares, hospice, pregnancy centers, food shelves, schools.  You are needed somewhere; find your niche and fill that need.

The rapper Eminen states, “I don’t care if you’re black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall fat, skinny, rich, or poor.  If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you.  Simple as that.”

That’s a good quote, but I say it doesn’t go far enough not if we want to change the world.  I would add another phrase: “And I’ll be nice to you even if you’re not nice to me.”  It’s really as hard as that. 

But the old proverbs say ‘a soft answer turns aside wrath’ and ‘you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar’.

 One person at a time, beginning with ourselves, we can change the world since the most important things in life are others.