Kathy’s Kitty Inspires Re-Write of Dr. Seuss.

Help! My Cat is My Hat! 

 Fifteen years ago my husband decided to train the new kitty to sleep by his pillow. Ogden was palm sized and was so cute and cuddly it seemed like the perfect place. 

 Fifteen years later the cat is still pretty cute and cuddly, but he doesn’t choose to sleep by Russ’s pillow

, he sleeps my mine. 

 Alright, let’s be honest, over the past two years he sleeps on my head. A lot. 

 Now I am not the type of person to wear a hat in the winter, I surely don’t want an Ogden fez at night. In fact, I find myself making up rhymes in the middle of the night to calm myself, ala, Dr. Seuss. 

 I do not want him on my head. I do not want him on my bed. 

 Whenever I am awakened by Ogden snuggling into position, I growl, “Get off my head!” 

 Since I have been saying this nightly he now jumps up and scurries over to Russ’ side of the bed. While there he hovers, peering over Russ’ shoulder until he thinks that I am sound asleep, and then he begins to slowly slink back. I, however, stay awake for protracted amounts of time and when I espy him creeping over I yell, “Don’t even think about it!” 

 That’s when he slowly moves his paws in reverse and settles next to Russ. 

 “Why does he like my head?” I query Russ. 

 And the response is the same, “He just really loves you.” I would like to spread the love around. 

 When he cannot get to the top of my pillow, Ogden will lie between our pillows. 

 Often I slumber blissfully unaware until he inevitably flicks his tail in my face. I don’t like tail on my face. I don’t like tail any place. I do not want Og near my head. I do not want him on my bed. 

 After I get smacked in the face with the tail, I pick Ogden up and deposit him on the floor. He then races around to Russ’ side and bides his time. 

 When I fall asleep the escapades resume. All the while Russ slumbers on (more or less). I do not want him in between. I do not want to act so mean. I don’t like tossing him aside. I cannot sleep, I know I’ve tried. Don’t put your tail in my face. I distinctly hate that taste. Don’t rest your backside on my head. Just go away, stay off the bed. 

 Lately Russ is doing his best to keep Ogden close to his side. If Russ finds the cat tucked between us, he’s quick to remove him. If he notices Og slinking across the pillow toward my head, he snatches him away.

 Although Russ is a good husband there are other reasons why he is seeking to control Ogden. The volume level of “Get off my head!” is continually rising in decibels, the amount of Ogden-tossing incidents is increasing, and just the other night while grabbing Og to toss him I actually had Russ’ head in my hands.

 Thus, my final lines: I really want to go to sleep. I promise not to make a peep. Just keep the Ogden by your head. Remember there are three in bed.

Nightmares

My husband has been battling a nasty cold for the last few days. Friday night it peaked and this is a summary of what followed. I had worked the Home Show and returned late at night. 

 We needed quite a bit of time to unwind so we did not head to bed until midnight. That's when the snoring began. 

 This was the cadillac of snoring. He would rapidly fall asleep and then it would sound as if he was sucking his entire body down his throat only to spew it up moments later. This went on for an hour. 

 I decided to take a bath. From the bathroom I continued to hear the tortured snoring. 

 Sadly, after returning to bed it continued for 1 1/2 more hours. It finally ceased but by then I was afraid he had stopped breathing. He hadn't. Thankfully, around 3a.m. I fell deeply asleep. 

Sometime later I heard him let out a loud shout and then yell, "What was that?" He then shot across the bed dragging the bedclothes, shoved me out of the bed, and deposited me next to the dresser where he held me tightly saying, "What was that? What was in the bed? Are you ok? Are you ok?"

 I have no idea why I'm standing next to the dresser rubbing my knee. Or why Russ is clutching me. I did see something fly out of the bed and I was looking anxiously around the room for "something scary". 

Now ala, Paul Harvey, for the rest of the story. It seems that he was having a nightmare that someone was coming in through the bedroom window and trying to grab me. The cat decided at that moment to jump between our pillows. Pippin was tossed out of the bed, the bedclothes followed, and my valiant husband scooped me away to safety. 

 Unfortunately, that was into the side of the dresser. So today I have a bruised knee, a funny story, and a hero.