Kathy’s Kitty Inspires Re-Write of Dr. Seuss.

Help! My Cat is My Hat! 

 Fifteen years ago my husband decided to train the new kitty to sleep by his pillow. Ogden was palm sized and was so cute and cuddly it seemed like the perfect place. 

 Fifteen years later the cat is still pretty cute and cuddly, but he doesn’t choose to sleep by Russ’s pillow

, he sleeps my mine. 

 Alright, let’s be honest, over the past two years he sleeps on my head. A lot. 

 Now I am not the type of person to wear a hat in the winter, I surely don’t want an Ogden fez at night. In fact, I find myself making up rhymes in the middle of the night to calm myself, ala, Dr. Seuss. 

 I do not want him on my head. I do not want him on my bed. 

 Whenever I am awakened by Ogden snuggling into position, I growl, “Get off my head!” 

 Since I have been saying this nightly he now jumps up and scurries over to Russ’ side of the bed. While there he hovers, peering over Russ’ shoulder until he thinks that I am sound asleep, and then he begins to slowly slink back. I, however, stay awake for protracted amounts of time and when I espy him creeping over I yell, “Don’t even think about it!” 

 That’s when he slowly moves his paws in reverse and settles next to Russ. 

 “Why does he like my head?” I query Russ. 

 And the response is the same, “He just really loves you.” I would like to spread the love around. 

 When he cannot get to the top of my pillow, Ogden will lie between our pillows. 

 Often I slumber blissfully unaware until he inevitably flicks his tail in my face. I don’t like tail on my face. I don’t like tail any place. I do not want Og near my head. I do not want him on my bed. 

 After I get smacked in the face with the tail, I pick Ogden up and deposit him on the floor. He then races around to Russ’ side and bides his time. 

 When I fall asleep the escapades resume. All the while Russ slumbers on (more or less). I do not want him in between. I do not want to act so mean. I don’t like tossing him aside. I cannot sleep, I know I’ve tried. Don’t put your tail in my face. I distinctly hate that taste. Don’t rest your backside on my head. Just go away, stay off the bed. 

 Lately Russ is doing his best to keep Ogden close to his side. If Russ finds the cat tucked between us, he’s quick to remove him. If he notices Og slinking across the pillow toward my head, he snatches him away.

 Although Russ is a good husband there are other reasons why he is seeking to control Ogden. The volume level of “Get off my head!” is continually rising in decibels, the amount of Ogden-tossing incidents is increasing, and just the other night while grabbing Og to toss him I actually had Russ’ head in my hands.

 Thus, my final lines: I really want to go to sleep. I promise not to make a peep. Just keep the Ogden by your head. Remember there are three in bed.

Returning the Boots

Russ has a pair of Lands End boots that needed to be returned. He has put the deed off for two years, but he finally got the box together to have them returned. It is February, he is without a good pair of boots, and needs a set.

 Once the boots are received he will receive another pair. He brought the box to the post office and a few minutes later returned in a huff because it was going to cost $10.05 to send them rather than the $6.95 that he was counting on. Hence he stated, "I'm not spending that kind of money. I won't return the boots." 

I reminded him that neither FedEx or UPS would be cheaper, that he was crabbing over pennies, and he needed a pair of boots not a box with useless boots in them. It ended with me passing him the money and saying, "Get your butt out of this car and return those boots!" 

 Surprisingly, he did. When he returned I asked, "What did the postmaster say since you had just been in? Or, rather, what did you say?" He replied, "I told her that my wife and I had a disagreement over $3.05 and that you won."

Deliciously Scared

My grandkids liked to be scared, deliciously so.

 Their father has a game called Scarey Monster. Since they live in the woods on 25 acres, they are without electricity. At night it can get really dark when the oil lamps and candles are unlit. 

Their papa will hide in a darkened room with a flashlight. They enter and he will pounce upon them shining a flashlight to catch them in its glow. He then wrestles them to the ground and tickles them. 

The two boys love it, but their sister, Antonia, at 2 1/2 is too young to play unless she is held by her father. She gets to pounce and scare. 

Recently, they played Scarey Monster and a newly potty trained Antonia and her father jumped out to scare the boys. 

 Her father learned an important lesson while holding her that underwear don't absorb as well as diapers when you get scared, deliciously so.

More Snow

We managed to visit with the grandkids and get some sledding in before running into another snowstorm on our way home. It was uneventful except for the near miss as we exited the ramp.

 The guy behind didn't appear to have good tires on and slid past us into the median. It was a little odd to realize we were both traveling in the same lane. 

Later we were awakened by a violent thunderstorm with lightning and heavy rain. It sounded like spring or summer, but it was dumping on several feet of accumulated snow. It made me start thinking about gardening and mowing the lawn. 

 But, alas, no lawn visible. The snow had gobbled up half of the swingset, the front split rail fence, and our bushes. Everything is sleeping well. Not a bad idea especially after shoveling.

Big Snow, February 2, 2011

We are hunkered down at home while most of the country comes to a screeching halt due to a huge snowstorm over 2100 miles. 

Why do I like this? I don't have to go out if I don't want to. I will be baking something yummy, or at least one thing yummy. 

There are scented candles burning and the fragrance is lovely. 

Clean flannel sheets are on the bed and the pillows are fluffed and ready for a nap, an early night, a good read before sleep. 

We have a snowblower that I don't have to know how to work, Russ does. 

We have electricity and heat. The refrigerator is well stocked. I have some good books to read and some good movies to watch if I want to. And the people I love are well and protected from the storm.

Puzzles

When you grow up in a small house with 8 siblings one things that you don't play with are puzzles. Hence, I never knew how to do them. 

 I clearly remember that the first time I worked a large puzzle (think 300 pieces), Peter helped me and he was six. That meant that I was 28 years old.

 For years as the kids got older, I usually sat on the sidelines and watched. I would try to help, but invariably a piece would be put in wrong. I thought that if I could make it lie flat, it fit. Imagine lots of pounding. 

So, now 20* years later, I work puzzles. And I enjoy them. I do 1000 piece ones, but I have only done one by myself. 

So it's cold out, the puzzle table is ready, and I'm raring to go. Wanna help?

You are not my Father

Whenever I go to the dentist, I'm always afraid that my father will appear. 

 Not, my birth father, but the father that hides behind the dentist mask and says, "You seemed to have missed this place while flossing." sigh

 Sometimes he may even become sterner, "You know, you only have to floss the teeth that you want to keep."

 And inside I'm shouting, "You, unlike Darth Vadar, are not my father. I'm paying you over $5 per minute to clean my teeth, so clean. If I knew how to get tartar and plaque off on my own I wouldn't be here." 

What if the hairdresser, tsk,tsked, because your hair was too long? 

How about pooh poohing over somebone's inability to do their own sonogram?